December 1, 2003
Twelve signs your team enjoyed Thanksgiving a little too much

• That wasn't the goal celebration foghorn – your left wing just passed gas.

• Never mind those ugly Cooperalls. Your team shows up wearing elastic-waistband sweatpants. And goalie-cut sweaters.

• Trainer replaces Gatorade with Red Bull to combat affects of tryptophan.

• Team's forecheck consists of bloated forward standing at center ice and throwing stick at oncoming defenseman.

• Three stars expect turkey legs from Doug Woog and the Fox Sports Net crew.

• Players bring spoons to bench, eat sweet potatoes out of their helmets.

• Your buddy comments, "Hey, I didn't know Tony Siragusa could skate!"

• Passing drills in practice focus on sharing the salt and pepper, mashed potatoes, etc.

• Players refer to rebounds as "leftovers".

• When your goalie allows a top-shelf goal, Pepto-Bismol squirts out of his water bottle.

• Team assumes that its hopes for a trip to the Frozen Four rest on getting the big side of the wishbone.

• Post-game stick salute replaced by team lying down on ice and unzipping pants.