March 8, 2004
Thirteen signs you're listening to a bad color commentator

• "Hey...there are guys jumping off the bench! And other guys are jumping on! This is pure chaos!"

"Hockey, as you well know, was invented in Nova Scotia in the 1600's by Puritan leader Robert Hockey."

• "I don't know anything about him as a player, but saying his name makes my tongue tickle!"

• "Stay tuned for the second intermission, when you guys will watch a boring pre-produced feature while I duck into the Blue Line Club for tequila poppers."

• "The boys in the truck bet me 100 bucks I couldn't use the word 'burlap' five times during tonight's broadcast."

• "This winner of this game goes to Disney World."

• "Can't talk now...I'm eating a hot dog."

• "When we talked to Coach, that's exactly what he said he wanted to do. At least that's what I'm told – I overslept and missed the morning skate."

• "Can we show a replay so I can scribble some unintelligible stuff on this telestrator thingy?"

• "I just won tonight’s 50-50 raffle! So long, suckers!"

• "You know what song I like? ‘Wind Beneath My Wings…'"

• "Ooohh…can you turn the channel on that thing? ‘Weird Science’ is on the USA Network!"

• "There’s no question Colin Hemingway will be a better pro than Thomas Vanek."

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