March 8, 2004
Thirteen signs you're listening to a bad color commentator

• "Hey...there are guys jumping off the bench! And other guys are jumping on! This is pure chaos!"

• "Hockey, as you well know, was invented in Nova Scotia in the 1600's by Puritan leader Robert Hockey."

• "I don't know anything about him as a player, but saying his name makes my tongue tickle!"

• "Stay tuned for the second intermission, when you guys will watch a boring pre-produced feature while I duck into the Blue Line Club for tequila poppers."

• "The boys in the truck bet me 100 bucks I couldn't use the word 'burlap' five times during tonight's broadcast."

• "This winner of this game goes to Disney World."

• "Can't talk now...I'm eating a hot dog."

• "When we talked to Coach, that's exactly what he said he wanted to do. At least that's what I'm told – I overslept and missed the morning skate."

• "Can we show a replay so I can scribble some unintelligible stuff on this telestrator thingy?"

• "I just won tonight’s 50-50 raffle! So long, suckers!"

• "You know what song I like? ‘Wind Beneath My Wings…'"

• "Ooohh…can you turn the channel on that thing? ‘Weird Science’ is on the USA Network!"

• "There’s no question Colin Hemingway will be a better pro than Thomas Vanek."