June 16, 2004
Eleven signs you've got a bad family advisor

• Upon hearing first contract offer from GM in negotiations, runs around office waving hands in air while yelling, "cha-CHING!"

• Shows up at front door of client's house with giant knapsack and asks where he can crash.

• Lacks formal legal training, but says he's "watched several episodes of 'Arli$$'"

• After player signs representation agreement, rips off sport coat to reveal "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt.

• Calls client's college coach. Demands trade.

• When contract talks stall, asks client if he'd like earn 100 bucks cleaning his pool.

Business card reads "Player Agent (unless you're with the NCAA)."

• Proposes that incentive-related bonuses be paid out in Milk Duds.

• Begins to "advise" mom on how to improve the family meatloaf recipe and little sister on how to approach that boy she likes at school.

• Investment strategy for signing bonus consists of buying 400,000 lotto quick pick tickets at neighborhood 7-11.

• Keeps asking, "Since the NCAA won't let me buy your lunch, how about you pick up my tab, too?"

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