September 25, 2006
Thirteen Things You Won't Hear at League Media Days

• "We'd congratulate last year's champs, but they only won because of that hitting from behind call against us."

"Am I concerned? I've got six walk-on goaltending candidates coming to practice next week. What do you think?"

• "Has anyone else noticed the commissioner smells like peach schnapps and Aqua Velva?"

• "Everyone is excited about this time of year because of the fantastic officiating in our league."

"I'd like to thank the Cornell contingent here today for not throwing any seafood at us."

"Darn right we should be picked 10th, my players can't even tie their own skates."

• "More road games and more bus rides. Which is good, because I can never get enough of that Happy Gilmore character!"

"If you look at the preseason media poll, obviously they know an awful lot about what's going on in this league."

"Our team lacks maturity. But when you meet their parents, it all starts to add up."

"I can't think of a better way to start the year than spending a couple hours in a hotel ballroom with a bunch of coaches I detest and spewing cliches to you idiot reporters."

• "Have you seen 'Deal or No Deal'? I mean, how good is that show?"

• "Championships are nice, but our kids are here to get an education and ... damn it! I knew I couldn't get through that sentence with a straight face!"

"I've actually had a hard time getting motivated lately. It's been a while since those guys at INCH did one of their Found on a Cocktail Napkin things."

Old Napkins:
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