Last week, I took a look at the field for this year’s Frozen Four and one thought immediately popped into my head.

Worst. Frozen. Ever.

Why Bemidji State, college hockey fans ask? Hey, why not the Beavers?

Seriously. Vermont and Miami couldn’t get out of the quarterfinals of their respective league playoffs. Bemidji State didn’t climb more than one game above .500 until it beat Alabama-Huntsville in the first round of the CHA tournament. Outside of Boston University — the tournament’s top overall seed that has reached mythological, 800-pound, ManBearPig status even though the Terriers don’t always play inspired hockey — it wasn’t a scintillating group.

It took an animated movie about a rat to change my perspective. Yeah, the climactic scene in “Ratatouille” swayed me. “Ratatouille”, for those who haven’t seen it, it the story of a rat named Remy with an incredible culinary gift. Unfortunately, rats and fine cuisine are about as compatible as Joe Finley and Blake Geoffrion. Long story short, Remy ends up cooking a meal at one of Paris’s finest restaurants for the country’s pre-eminent (and harshest) food critic and blows him away.

“The work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment,” the journalist wrote in his review. “Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.”

Likewise, a great hockey team can come from anywhere — Bemidji or Boston, Canton or Colorado Springs. So the names on the sweaters are unfamiliar and you don’t recognize the guys behind the benches. It’s still the Frozen Four. The teams will compete just as hard. The games will be just as compelling. The winner will be just as deserving.

Besides, in what other sport does the final entrant — Bemidji State was seeded 16th in this year’s tournament — have a chance to win the whole thing? The last qualifier at Wimbledon can park at a one-hour spot and leave with time remaining on the meter. No. 16 seeds in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament are oh-for-forever. The rear car in an auto race typically spends its entire run there. The lone exception I can think of is the 1991 PGA Championship, when ninth alternate John Daly ended up winning by three strokes. You just can’t make this stuff up.

Next season, order will likely be restored. Familiar teams, familiar players, familiar coaches, familiar cheers, and familiar fight songs return. The 2009 Frozen Four, however, is a unique dish. Just try it. I think you’ll like the flavor.

LETTERBOX

Like most of you, I’m sweating out the days prior to the Frozen Four, which seems like a good time to answer e-mails that have been gathering dust in the ol’ inbox. And away we go …

Q. Why is [Alaska goalie] Chad Johnson oftentimes referred to as Ocho Cinco on INCH? It’s certainly not his jersey number. – Dave, Boston

No reason. Just keeping our Spanish sharp in preparation for next year’s Monterrey Regional.

Q. Since you guys partner with ESPN, ever thought of using their elaborate pick ‘em prediction resources for the NCAA hockey tournament? – Eric, Minneapolis

That’s a very good question, Eric. No.

Q. Ken McMillan’s article [from the Atlantic Hockey tournament] was great. However he commented at the end that there really were no Air Force Cadets there. This is because the past few years the tournament has been scheduled during a major training event for the Cadets [and they] are not allowed to leave. – Justin, Air Force Academy, Colo.

Should Air Force ever make the Frozen Four, I propose our government find the cash to bring every Cadet to D.C. If you’ve never been to a collegiate athletic event featuring one of the service academies, you’re missing out on a great experience.

Q. You know what’s really demoralizing? Settling into your seat on Friday night and realizing that you’re getting two nights of Derek Shepherd. – Bret, Cloquet, Minn.

Bret wins e-mail of the year honors. For those of you who don’t know, Derek Shepherd is a WCHA referee. And for those of you who do know … well, I guess you know.

Q. I read James V. Dowd’s recap of Michigan’s loss to Notre Dame [in the CCHA tournament]. I would like someone to answer a simple question for me: Why on earth would you allow Dowd to insult Michigan goaltender Billy Sauer? You guys should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for allowing Dowd to keep writing such negativity about one player.  Especially since Sauer will graduate with the best single-season save percentage of any Michigan goalie ever and a CCHA championship last year. To say he “can’t get the team to the next level” is just mean spirited and wrong. – Brad, Buffalo, N.Y.

Uh … I edited that piece and didn’t see anything resembling what you claim. Let’s get this straight once and for all. Was Sauer a good goaltender for Michigan? Sure, he was good as a sophomore and a junior except for two games — flame outs in back-to-back NCAA tournaments. I bet if you play word association with a Michigan hockey fan and mention the name “Billy Sauer,” the first thing out of his or her mouth won’t be talk of his great numbers.

Q. With Chris Connolly as a frosh at BU and Jack Connolly having an equally good season at UMD, does this make history and have you given this any thought before I just brought it up? Is there precedent or is it historical? – Scott, Hopkinton, Mass.

Chris and Jack are brothers, but I don’t know what the question is here. There is a glut of Connollys in college hockey. Personally, I try to keep my Connolly-related activities focused on Jennifer Connelly. And once at the Frozen Four, I thought USCHO’s Jim Connelly was trying to steal my beer.

Viktor Stalberg: Good at hockey. Does not smell funny.

Q. I’m loving watching the Catamounts and following their amazing season so far, and I have to say that if Viktor Stalberg is not one of the frontrunners for the Hobey, something smells funny in college hockey. – Geoff, Norwich, Vt.

If anything smells funny in college hockey, I usually look in Jeff Howe’s general direction.

I was a staunch supporter of Stalberg winning the Hobey, because I wanted the engraver to have to put that funky “a” with the circle above it on the name plate. What is that thing called anyway?

Q. I don’t understand how you can leave Chay Genoway — WCHA Defensive Player of the Year — off your All-American teams. – J.T., Colfax, N.D.

Truth be told, Genoway was never really in our discussions. Doesn’t mean he didn’t have a good year. And I’ll admit I like Fairchild better. Maybe I just catch him at the right time, but I never see Fairchild have a night off.

And North Dakota fans, you can save your “Fairchild had plenty of nights off after March 19″ e-mails, because I just wrote that joke for you.

Q. I’ve been a reader of INCH for quite some time now and I gotta tell you, all this making fun of WCHA fans for thinking their conference is the best is getting pretty damn tiresome. – Matt, Minneapolis.

We just do it to keep Jess Myers in his place. Seriously though, I think we do it because WCHA fans can handle it and [most of them] have a pretty good sense of humor about it.

Listen, we’ve said before that there are certain stereotypes that we’re just gonna run with — Maine hasn’t cheated in 15 or so years, but that label has stuck. The same is true with the WCHA superiority complex. We kid because we care.

Q. Do you guys ever see a Division I college hockey program developing in the state of California? – Scott, Santa Barbara, Calif.

I do, but only when I’m on a peyote-induced vision quest with the Lou Diamond Phillips character from “Young Guns.”

Q. im looking for a great educated college to help me learn the basics of hockey, ive never played it but i love the game and i want to get interested. i am a great listener, and pay attention real well even when it has to do with sports, ive done so much and would like to know more. if u can help me get into this school i would be greatful, thanks. – Ryan, Edgewater, Fla.

Must resist urge … to mention … St. Cloud State …

I’M JUST SAYIN’

• If you watched any of the Final Four from Ford Field in Detroit, you’ll get a taste of what next year’s Frozen Four might be like. Don’t take my word for it, but it looks like there are about 15,000 good seats and 55,000 horrible ones.

• Good grief, Vermont, where’d you get those helmets? Those abominations look like something you’d pick up from the prop closet for the movie “Rollerball.” The one starring Chris Klein, not James Caan.

• Since we’re on the topic of things that are awful, isn’t it about time, Boston University fans, that you came up with a better cheer for when a Terrier penalty expires? I mean, counting down the finals seconds and then yelling like a bunch of third graders who just cracked open a pinata? Have you just given up?

• I think I’ve still got two tickets for the Frozen that I’m not using. Good seats, too … at least that’s what I’m told. Contact me if you’re interested in picking them up.

How long has it been since we launched our redesign? Like three months? And I’m just now getting ready to waste Internet bandwidth here. My fear was that the stuff I wrote would either read like an old Larry King column from USA Today full of pithy non sequiturs (“Nothing makes a salad pop like Bac-o’s … Christian Bale’s OK, but Ryan Seacrest would make the best Batman) or a rambling manifesto.  I promise that neither will happen, but like Nick Saban, I reserve the right to completely renege on that or any other deal.

Michigan State goaltender Jeff Lerg is good. His team is not. Therefore, if you have a vote in either of the two college hockey polls, please refrain from including MSU. Thank you.

Michigan State received votes in a national polls this week: I’m not making this up. The Spartans, less than three weeks removed from the end of an 11-game winless skid, got seven votes (intentional, I assume) in this week’s USCHO/CBS College Sports poll. Last week, MSU got two votes in the USA Hockey Magazine/USA Today poll (in which INCH casts a weekly ballot) and six votes in the USCHO/CBS College Sports poll.

Sure, MSU beat a slightly-above-average North Dakota team in front of 450 people at the Great Lakes Invitational and beat a feisty Alaska team in East Lansing. But the Spartans are seven games below .500! They’re 11th in the run-of-the-mill (at best) CCHA. Here’s an indication of how anemic MSU is offensively — they’re 6-1-3 this season when scoring two or more goals, and their overall record is 6-13-3. This is a bad team, people. Stop voting for them.

The U.S. finished fifth at the World Junior Championships: There are 350 million people in this country, and that’s the best goaltending we can summon? INCH’s Joe Gladziszewski summarized the U.S. netminding situation nicely, calling it “Cloutier-esque”, a reference to the talented but maddeningly erratic ex-Ranger/Lightning/Canuck/King.

New Hampshire’s James van Riemsdyk scored a “highlight-reel goal” — the USA Hockey press release’s description, not mine — in overtime of the U.S. team’s win over the Czech Republic in the fifth-place game. Which begs the question: If the game isn’t televised, can it be a highlight-reel goal? Mitch Hedberg would’ve had an answer.

Boston University standouts Kevin Shattenkirk and Colin Wilson joined JVR as the U.S. team’s top three players of the tournament as selected by the coaches of the other WJC participants. All three turned in fine performances, but Minnesota’s Jordan Schroeder, the team’s leading scorer, deserved one of those spots. I’m no scout, but Schroeder’s got to be a lock to go in the top 10 in this year’s NHL Draft.

Merry Christmas, boys. Now start packing: The National Hockey League has its holiday roster freeze banning player movement around Christmas and New Year’s Day. Two ECHL franchises, the Augusta Lynx and the Fresno Falcons, did the opposite, freezing their entire rosters out of a paycheck by going belly up last month.

Naturally, both clubs blamed the economy for their financial woes. The Lynx — Augusta, home of the Masters Golf Tournament … Lynx. Get it? — pulled the plug on Dec. 3. For the most part, the players left in the lurch by the their demise have found new homes. Some have remained in the ECHL, like ex-Wisconsin Badger Matt Auffrey, now with the Florida Everblades. Others, like former Minnesota State player Joel Hanson, had to take a step down to find work. He’s now playing for the Central Hockey League’s Wichita Thunder. Erstwhile Michigan defenseman/financier Kevin Quick landed on his skates, first earning a spot with the American Hockey League’s Norfolk Admirals and this week getting a summons from the Tampa Bay Lightning. Still others, such as ex-Providence skater Chase Watson, are still looking for a gig.

Then there’s Fresno, whose coach discovered that his employer was going belly up through phone conversations with other ECHL bench bosses. The Falcons’ 40-year run in the Raisin Capital of the World (look it up) ended three days before Christmas, when they were in first place in the Pacific Division standings. Most Fresno players have found new homes — familiar names ex-Vermonter Kenny MacAuley and former Boston College skater Brian O’Hanley among them. Forward Dan Travis, who played at both New Hampshire and Quinnipiac, took the Falcons’ demise as a sign. Fresno marked his third ECHL stop in this, his rookie season, following stints in Florida and Trenton, N.J. Rather than pack up for parts unknown, Travis retired.

LETTERBOX

I guess some might need to rescind their predictions/statements that North Dakota is going to is going to finish seventh in the WCHA. — Eric, Grand Forks, N.D.

Nice wins this past weekend for the Fighting Sioux. Of course, they are just three weeks removed from scoring a total of two goals in consecutive losses to the 11th-place team in the CCHA (Michigan State) and the last place team in the WCHA (Michigan Tech). Just something to bear in mind.

In his Hockey East midseason review, Jeff Howe neglected to mention Vermont. Which is probably a good thing, because everything remotely associated with Jeff ends in tragedy.

I just read Jeff Howe’s midseason report card on Hockey East. Why is it that Vermont was not even mentioned? They get no respect around the league and in print. — Ken, Boston

The Catamounts are a steady, unspectacular bunch. Just about every one of their games is close — nine one-goal games (UVM has lost just two of them) and three ties. Winning seven of nine one-goal games is pretty impressive. Big series this weekend at Northeastern. Of course, you all had Vermont-Northeastern circled on the calendar as the biggest Hockey East series of the season back in September.

Michigan and Ohio State are tied for fifth place in CCHA with 18 points. In your Power Rankings, Michigan gets ranked no. 7 and Ohio State no. 12. Alaska is tied for third place and gets knocked out of the rankings. What’s wrong with this picture?  — Bob, Fairbanks

This e-mail was sent prior to the Nanooks’ series at Notre Dame, but the author’s argument still holds up. And, yeah, Alaska is having a fine season after a summer of turmoil with regard to the coaching situation and player defections. If we came out with a top 25 each week (which will never happen) the Nanooks would likely be ranked no. 23 or 24. But …

I just don’t have a lot of confidence in them. This probably won’t strike you as the most logical reasoning, but don’t you get the feeling that UAF is doing it with mirrors? The question we ask ourselves as a staff when trying to evaluate two teams is, who’d win a best-of-seven series on neutral ice? Would the Nanooks win against Dartmouth, Wisconsin, North Dakota, Yale, or Nebraska-Omaha, the bottom five teams in this week’s Power Rankings? I’d say, in order, no, no, no, no, and maybe. This week’s bubble teams are Quinnipiac and St. Cloud State; UAF wouldn’t beat either of them in a best-of-seven, either.

I’M JUST SAYIN’ …

• Compiling the Hobey Tracker piece for INCH, which I do every week, is a cinch most of the time. Not so this season. If there was ever a year in which a goalie could win without putting up ridiculous, Ryan Miller-esque numbers, this is it. The across-the-board mediocrity — that might be too harsh a term; let’s say slightly-above-average-ocrity — among non-goalies is dismaying. Seriously, I’m a week or two away from blowing up the Trackler and starting from scratch.

• Why were we deprived of a Michigan State-Michigan Tech confrontation at the Great Lakes Invitational? MSU had to screw it up by beating North Dakota. Unforgivable. A Spartans-Huskies tilt would’ve had an over/under of zero.

• Nice hat you wore at the Winter Classic, Mike Babcock. Did you come to the rink after smuggling an illegal shipment of rum into the country on a banana boat?

• As a native Minnesotan, I know the difference between minor-nuisance cold weather and drive-a-nail-into-a-board-with-a-banana cold. And, yes, it can be done. Anyway, it strikes me as hilarious when the weather guessers on local TV here in the land of INCH World Headquarters talk about wind chills in the single digits above zero or bitter cold temperatures near zero.

The point is, there should be a universally recognized standard of what constitutes bitter cold or dangerous wind chills. My starting point for air temperature would be minus-20; I’m stuck on the cut line for wind chill, however. But seriously, this must happen.

• Pearl Jam is celebrating its 20th anniversary by re-releasing its classic album “Ten.” Pearl Jam formed in 1991 — seems the group is building up to its actual anniversary with the reissues. Don’t get me wrong, I like Pearl Jam, but do we really need 24 months to ramp up to this? INCH’s 10th anniversary is less than four years away. We better get busy.

This will be the new home for Mike’s rants, ravings and random thoughts. For a look at what you can expect, click here. And stay tuned.